Been Away Awhile!

It has been a long while since I’ve been on to blog and I have dearly missed it. It has been a crazy few months for sure. I couldn’t reply to everyone’s comments about my engagement and I was bummed by that but blogger was acting up then. Then shortly after I had some major bad incidents with my parents and left and went to a hotel and my friend and fiancé helped pay for it for a few days however there was an un-chaperoned moment which caused some unfortunate drama, nothing happened but we were not with a chaperone which is not appropriate.

So anyway after that I went back home but more drama unfolded and my parents gave me 4 days to get out of the house. So my fiancé knew the manager of an apartment and they had an availability so we got the apartment and at the same time I had started buying a car off of family friends which was great because I started working for Wal-Mart in March which has been a major reason for not blogging because I work so much and on days off I’m too tired or busy to blog.

So I moved out and we moved the wedding to May23rd, my fiancé and I didn’t live to together because in our religion we know what the bible says about the matter and so we intended to only live together once married. Because of the stress of living out on my own and a new job it just led to more and more fights and at the end of April it got bad and a few days after a large fight with nasty words with my fiancé he broke up with me in a very devastating way. He blamed me for his lack of spirituality and just cut all ties.

So I was stuck in an apartment I couldn’t afford on my own and one month from our wedding. So we managed to get out of the apartment with minimal dues which we split. However his family wanted money back he put down to help me get my car and his name was on my title which he went behind my back about, per his family’s advice again, so I borrowed money from my brother in law to pay him. So I got out of the apartment, borrowed money and returned the rings and was so distraught I couldn’t stand it. To make matters worse we work in the same department at Wal-Mart and see each other every single day.

So for 2 weeks I had to live with him trying to talk to me or look at me and it was just horrible for me, I cried so much. Anthony moped around and looked like he had died and I was just so miserable I couldn’t stand to go on.

I went through various phases, distraught, anger, hatreds, ect, I was sue I would never take him back ever. Two weeks in to the breakup at one of our Christian meetings he worse the exact colors of suit and shirt that were original wedding colors and I became so upset I texted him about it. Then I called him that night and for 2 ½ hours I told him everything about my feelings and not wishing to see us suffer any longer.

So we meditated on it and prayed and the next day he had me meet him before work. We talked and we decided to get back together but not as fiancé but boyfriend and girlfriend again until we can afford to get a place and get married not stay stuck in engagement like before but this too caused me and my family confusion and upset. How does one explain this course of action I have yet to figure out?

Worse yet is trying to explain to family and friends why after everything I took him back. We all mess up, we all screw up. We all make decisions we later regret and I saw how he regretted his decision, at the end April we had become harsh toward each other and we needed the break to learn valuable lessons. We needed to learn proper communication, patience, trust, respect. Not to speak harsh or rashly, not to become unduly angry and to rely on Jehovah God for guidance and direction. We needed the time to learn and we are in a better place now but there are still times of miscommunication and stress but it’s because we are imperfect. Some think we are rushing and others think we are not going forward enough but we are trying to get to a good place so we may marry and this time we have learned what we have to do to make a better stronger relationship and marriage.

So this ahs been what has been going on with me since last I was on here blogging. It has been a chaotic, stressful few months but I am trying to deal with it and I will try my best to blog more often and update you all on what is going on. This year has been probably a bit worse then last year and I had hoped it would be better so I’m hoping to make it better by years end. The great thing this year is I am still with Anthony who really is a very kind; gentle, loving man and we are ready to start our lives together fully.